Dear,
6 year old me.
The world is a scary place. Even at 21. But don’t be afraid. Don’t carry the world on your shoulders. Don’t think too much, you’re far too young to know what worries are. Things are chaotic but those same people will always be there braving this chaos with you. I promise you that. Somebody will always be there to protect you, even if it isn’t the someone you’d imagined.
Be brave, be strong. I know that it’s hard but things will get better. You are loved. You are so loved.
11 year old me.
DON’T BE AFRAID TO BE YOURSELF.
You’re funny and smart. You’re empathetic and probably too sensitive but BE WHO YOU ARE. Not who everyone else is. It’s okay to be different! And it’s okay not to know who you are yet, nobody knows who they are yet. Don’t change for the people who don’t “get you”. Don’t lie about liking rock music and reading. Don’t hurt other people to get where you want to be. If you have to, it isn’t really what you want. Don’t worry about not having the right clothes, in 10 years time everybodys clothes will seem hideous. People will remember who you were, not what you wore. Don’t be afraid to stand for something. Even if you’re standing alone.
And whatever you do, definitely, definitely don’t aspire be “normal”.
13 year old me.
You aren’t as ugly as you think you are. The older you get, the less important looks will become. Nobody is going to fall in love with your hair, nobody is going to marry your body. And confidence is attractive and right now, you reek of insecurity.
14 year old me.
Never stay somewhere you aren’t happy. Never put up with shit. Never let someone tell you that you aren’t good enough. Never let them make you feel small so they can feel big. Never respect people who don’t respect you. Never confuse age with experience. Never confuse power with wisdom. Never stay somewhere you aren’t happy.
16 year old me
There’s a difference between being strong and headstrong. Accept help when you need it. Social Services aren’t so bad, in fact in time you may even admire them. You are not an adult. I know you feel like one, and god knows you act like one but it’s okay to break down. It okay to give in, it’s okay to admit defeat. Holding things together isn’t always suceeding. Bottling up problems will only force them to explode.
Knowing when you need help is part of growing up. And you have a lot of growing up to do.
Enjoy being 16. These years won’t last for long and you’ll regret not being more immature. You’ll have all the time in the world to be an adult, trust me. Make stupid mistakes. And then make them again. This time of your life should be fun, not stressful.
18 year old me.
It’s okay to feel. It’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay to just be really, really sad for a while. It’s okay to need time to move on, give yourself the time. It’s okay to talk to people. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to get hurt, building walls will only hurt you more in the long run. It’s okay to be afraid. It’s okay to feel like a six year old child, gasping for air at 3am. It’s okay to not be ready. It’s okay to lock yourself in the toilet. It’s okay to admit there’s something wrong. It’s okay to need help. It’s okay to have panic attacks, everyone in life has a cross to bear. You just haven’t noticed yet. It’s okay to be afraid. It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to be bitter and say things you’ll regret. It’s okay to resent them, in time that too will pass. It’s okay to wonder how your life might have been, how you might have been.
It’s okay.
20 year old me
I told you they would get better.
And that guy? Don’t worry one day he won’t seem so important. You’ll fall in love again. You’ll have new friends, new houses, new insights, new passions. Life is exciting. So very unpredictable and yet, so fascinating. Travel the world! You’re doing pretty good already but theres always more to see, more to learn.
APPRECIATE. Appreciate your life. And your good fortune. And your career and friends and family and loves. Every single one of them brings you happiness. And that can never ever be underestimated. Don’t pat yourself on the back too much. At least half of what you achieved was luck.
Let go. Let go of the past. Let go of people who bring out the worst in you. Let go of blame, you’ll make mistakes aswell. Let go of hurt, time changes everything. It really does heal all wounds. Let go of anything and everything in your life that doesn’t make you happy. THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER WAY. Let go of insults. Let go of memories that don’t bring you happiness, but don’t let go of what they taught you.
Let go of fear. Let go of terms like anxiety disorder, it is a self fulfilling prophecy, not a diagnosis. Let go of worry and panic and tension and stress and just let things unfold. Just let life have the control.
Just sit back, take a deep breath and enjoy the ride.
Yours,
21 year old me
http://momastery.com/carry-on-warrior/
This essay
and I are part of the Messy, Beautiful Warrior Project — To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE! And to learn about the New York Times Bestselling Memoir Carry On Warrior: The Power of Embracing Your Messy, Beautiful Life, just released in paperback, CLICK HERE!
This is breathing 